There are some crazy people out there.

Nuts.

But don't worry, I'll tell you where they all are so you can be safe and avoid them.

Craigslist.

I've spent a lot of time on craigslist the past few days, what with job hunting and apartment hunting, and let me tell you---people are insane. So I decided to dedicate this post to craigslist.

The emails I've gotten from prospective employees off my craigslist posting are absolutely bonkers (I'm going to see how many synonyms I can come up with for "crazy" since that seems to be my theme here). I actually was going to remove my resume from there (I had put it up there based on suggestion), but it's getting kind of entertaining.

An example (names and emails have been changed to protect the innocent, and have been edited for content and formatting):

From: marc marc@xxxx.xx
Date: Wed, Mar 5, 2008 at 5:06 PM
Subject: sales experts and marketing experts - Craigs List.
To: Sue@xxxx.xxx

Hi Sue, How are you? as FYI, I will be busy travelling and client meetings this week. How ever, I would appreciate if you could reach my partner Julio @ 718 555 5555 and introduce yourself.

Thanks,
Regards,
-Marc


Um, Marc? What the hell? I don't even know what it is you do. And no, I'm not going to call "Julio," (i changed the name, but it was pretty damn close) and "introduce" myself. "Hi, Julio? This is Sue. Just wanted to introduce myself. Yeah, your partner Marc, who apparently is redundant with his email closing ("Thanks" AND "regards"? Really?), asked me to call you. Not quite sure what it's about since his email just told me that he was travelling. Don't know if he wanted to interview or anything with me. But just figured I would call and say hi!"

Yeah, not so much. I mean, for all I know, this guy could be running a prostitute ring and his "travelling" could be to the pimp convention. Don't you think if you were going to ask someone to come in for an interview, you would tell them, oh, I don't know, WHAT YOUR COMPANY DOES? But maybe that's just me, who knows. Weird.

Here's another:

From: Joe Schmo JOE03@xxxx.xxx
Date: Thu, Feb 28, 2008 at 7:48 PM
Subject: Media Sales Experience
To: Sue@xxxx.xxx


Sue,
I have developed a marketing company in a few areas including the Tampa and Philadelphia areas.
We deal with Fortune 500 companies such as: AT&T, Verizon, Dish Network, Travelocity, General Electric home security, etc.
It may not be for you, but do you know anyone that is looking for a supplemental income stream in your area, that wouldn't disrupt their current career or small business? If you know someone that could use an additional $2-4 thousand on top of what they are already doing, let me know.

Joe Schmo
Executive Manager

All right Joe, let's get this straight. I'm looking for a job in NYC and you're contacting about jobs in Tampa and Philly? Already I would like to thank you for wasting my time and filling up my inbox. Second, did you just ask me to start looking for leads for you? And "Executive Manager"? Of What? And I love the term, "we deal with". That's just code for "We annoy the hell out of them with our endless solicitations." You've lost your marbles, buddy.


One more:

From: XXXXXX@aol.com
Date: Sun, Feb 24, 2008 at 9:55 PM
Subject: (no subject)
To: Sue@xxxx.xxx

Hello,

Please respond back to this email, we can then set-up an interview. Look forward to hearing from you. In need of strong minded people.

Horacio


First of all, he's emailing me from an AOL address. Second, no mention of his company or anything! Seriously?! Hey Horacio, you're in need of strong minded people? That's cool. I'm in need of a million dollars. Why don't you help me with that instead of wasting my time. Whack job.


Wait, one more, I just found this one:

From: Martha Obregon jeremy.xxxx@xxxxx.net
Date: Sun, Feb 24, 2008 at 7:34 PM
Subject: Re: Media Sales Experience
To: Sue@xxxx.xxx

Hello, I am looking for people that would like to spend a hour daily participating in surveys online. I found your resume on craigslist and wanted to know if you would like to participate.This opportunity is absolutely free to join without any obligation on your side. You do not have to disclose your deeply personal financial information. There are absolutely no fees involved. The surveys pay from 1 to 80 dollars each. The average pay people receive is 300 per week. Let me know if you're interested and I will provide you with more information and answer any questions you may have. Or if you do not wish to wait visit our resource website, Selected Surveys.

Best Regards,
Martha Obregon

Well Hello to you too, Martha. You know what I'm looking for? A JOB. Not an opportunity to fill out surveys. But at this rate I'll settle for a sugar daddy. Screwball.


Okay, now on to the apartment listings that I search on my own and fortunately do not have a profile up so these people don't contact me, I just find them while I'm searching.

So I came across this one and was just baffled:


What's up.

I'm a 26 year old, very attractive, educated, employed, charming, very sexually Dominant, great guy, into the lifestyle for about 5 years now. I was forced out of my manhattan apartment a few months ago due to bedbugs. (yuck, i know) Now i'm looking to better my situation and move in with an attractive sexually submissive girl that would enjoy the ultra-convenience of having a Dom living with her.

The exact terms of this arrangement are flexible. Maybe we can get a 2-bedroom, pay equal rent, and live almost completely separate lives. Maybe we can get a studio together and sleep in the same bed, and you pay nothing, it always depends on the girl.

Point is, i need to get back out there, into manhattan, maybe even into queens or bk if i can, but i absolutely need to get out of here ASAP, and live the city lifestyle again. And living with a dom/sub that you're actually attracted to.. what could be better?


All right fella, two things: #1: If you're trying to get a girl to stay with you, don't mention the bedbugs. seriously. I don't care if you're offering to have her stay for free. Bedbugs=gross=no girl wants to be in your bed. Ever. I don't care how charming, attractive and employed you are. And if you're so "Educated," you may have thought to leave that out. #2: If you can afford to have a studio and have the girl not pay, then why do you need a girl at all? If you're just desperate for the companionship, then please go back and see #1. it will help, trust me. Slightly unhinged.


Another one:

Saturday night has rolled around, but you can't stand the stares and the ceaseless applause- instead, you clutch the ceiling fan with your teeth and spend the night spinning in lazy circles around the living room.

Your morning routine starts with a mouthful of paraffin and a match (because it's much better than Scope) but you hate the way the neighbors stare at you through the bathroom window.

You and 14 of your coworkers carpool to the office everyday in your Mini, but you wish would people please stop gathering around clapping everytime you get out of the damn car.

I promise you, someone else gets it. You don't have to live alone anymore.

- Two agoraphobic circus professionals and their tricycle-riding bear need a firebreather. We share the chores... and will hold you responsible for bonfires, barbecues, yard waste disposal, and cleaning the toilet. Only $580 a month +dep.

Disclaimer: Must love whiskey, pornography, and seeing-eye ponies.

(and garlic)

(and bears)


Uh...um....I don't have a witty remark for this one. absurd.


I honestly think the guy that posted this next one is doing it more of a joke if anything. He had a picture posted and he looked like a 19 year old frat boy. But anyway:


Hi,

I'm a 25 year old medical school student. I spend most of my time in the library or in class. I love my school work however I spend alot of time in the school and unfortunately don't have the time that I would like to socialize or meet new people. My life is also a little boring and I have recently been looking for ways to spice it up/ I recently inherited a massive two bedroom apartment from my family at 65th and 3rd Ave and haven't had anyone to share it with for a few months now.

I am willing to rent out the second spacious bedroom for only $100 a month. I am looking for a young female roommate from 23 - 29 who would be willing to move in; the only requirement that I have is she wouldn't mind occasionally walking in her underwear around the apartment while doing mundane things such as cooking, laundry etc. I do not want nor expect any sexual favours, nor will i ask for any nudity or videotaping of any kind. As I said my life and job can be slightly boring and I would like to spice things up somewhat.

If you are interested please e-mail me along with a picture, again the picture does not have to be pornographic in anyway just want an idea.

This one I honestly laughed out loud. especially if you saw the picture of the kid. he looks like he hasn't even hit puberty. He really may be the real life Doogie Howser, who knows. Demented.

And this one takes the cake:

College Female, Out of High School Female or Unwed Mother with Child - $ ZERO Rent / $ ZERO Food. Looking for 1 female (1 child/baby ok) only. ONE bedroom Very Large, Very Nice Executive Condo, Walk-IN closet, Excellent / Very Safe Neighborhood, Dishwasher, Full Kitchen, etc, Rector Place / South End Ave, Battery Park - Lower Manhattan near Financial District. Excellent view of Freedom Tower construction (ex-Ground Zero site). Free “Connection” busing. Convenient 1,2,3 Red Line Rector Street 2 blocks away stop. Four-seat study table, high speed internet, computer available 24/7, DVD and TV cable. Come and go as you please. I cook well. Please don't ask me to have you pay anything for rent or food. I don't need any money. I am interested in your NSA (no strings attached) friend with benefits companionship (... no rush). I am fit and handsome and prefer same type female. I am a genuine certified sweetheart of a man. It will be fun living with me. I am like having a long lost GF at a sorority sleep over - you will see. I am an excellent friend, good companion, listener and conversationalist. So why waste my time alone? I have a 7 pound very cute male Papillon dog (hope you don't mind - he's a sweetheart). Your small dog OK. Your young child OK too. You can smoke inside or I can smoke outside. Serious inquiries only please.

Okay, before I can even comment, I WISH I could post the pictures this guy had of himself. SCARY!!! Although the dog is pretty cute, so at least he has that going for him.

"Long lost GF at a sorority sleepover"? I don't know what to say to that one. I think I'll just let that speak for itself.

Probably won't post tomorrow unless something comes up, otherwise I'll write sometime over the weekend. Headed to Pearl River on Sunday for the St Paddy's Day parade. I've heard rumors that it's second to NYC. I'll let you all know. Friday I have a phone interview with Company B, so I'll let you all know how that goes as well.

:)

Current Book: "The Other Boleyn Girl" by Philippa Gregory. (and LOVING it!!)